Agonizomai: We Have Ways to Make You Talk

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

We Have Ways to Make You Talk
A brief humorous interlude follows before plunging into the next study. Also, I am under the weather at the moment and my energy level is low. As a consequence my posting frequency may suffer for a short time. Please be patient.

When I saw the hilarious video, "Emergent Village Hitler", posted by the Pyromaniacs a while ago (see the post below this one for a reprise) I was reminded of this humorous little piece showing that there is more than one way to skin a cat. Something about this one reminds me of how postmodern and emergent-speak often achieve their objective by redefining/re-imagining/reinventing everything. Enjoy...

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European nation rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agree that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

[author unknown]


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