Agonizomai: Ecumenism in All Its Guises

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ecumenism in All Its Guises
[The following bit of humour was found somewhere on the Internet. I have nothing in particular against United Methodists. If it offends you, insert "Liberals", or "Postmoderns", or "Emerg***s" or simply "Ecumenists" in the appropriate place. Just don't put "Calvinists ;-)"]

When someone asked, "How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?" this statement was issued:

“We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted - all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.”


Blogger Derek Ashton said...

A few bright scholars have recently issued the following findings from their research about light bulbs:

Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb. He invented a small glass "heat globe" which some people mistakenly thought was luminous. There were several different varieties in the early days. Edison's original followers recorded his inventions in a book called "Z", which has since been lost - but we are quite certain we know exactly what was written in it (primarily stuff about staying warm and avoiding overexposure to light). Several decades later a council of light bulb manufacturers wanted to protect their interests, so they made up a story saying that Edison's invention was a light bulb. They condemned all the people who used heat bulbs, naming them "heat-a-tics". In reality, the modern lightbulb is not remotely related to Edison's invention. An elaborate deceptoin by the power company has kept all of this covered up. However, modern light bulb scholars using the most recent discoveries have formed "The Edison Seminar" in an attempt to recover the historical Edison. Everyone needs to get rid of all their light bulbs. Light bulbs can cause dilation of the pupils. Worse yet, they force people to see uncomfortable things when they may wish to remain in darkness and simply stay warm. Several heat bulbs were just discovered in a cave in Alaska, and they prove this thesis beyond any doubt.

6:44 pm  
Blogger agonizomai said...


I didn't know that. Very illuminating, and a heartwarming story, to boot.


7:03 pm  

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