Tacky Trolling - a Mea Culpa

I am ashamed. That's because I am a hypocrite. My heart is deceitful above all and desperately wicked - and I am an unwatchful and unfaithful steward of it.

In an early post I said the following:

"Blogging wisdom says that sites must be promoted via various means. The objective is to have as high a readership as possible. To make one's mark; to have one's say; to be noticed; to tell one's story based on that narrative fragment of the post modern world that I might share with other people out there. I don't give a fig about any of that.

I would absolutely hate the idea of looking for groupies who could cheer me on with supportive platitudes cultivated and received as a form of self-validation. I will not deliberately promote this site in that way. It's not about the site, nor is it about recognition for myself. I am simply speaking into God's universe through the internet the timeless Truth about His Son. It is about the adoration of His attributes. It is about saying what even many churches refuse to say."

That's what I said. Here's what I actually did.

After browsing other blogs and sites I noticed a topic that kept on arising - a topic concerning the fundamentals of the faith and what does and does not constititute the absolute necessities of faith for the purposes of fellowship. It was a topic that interested me, so I blogged on it here. So far, so good.

In my post I gave way to a bit of humour at the very end in which I referred to Phil Johnson's post on the same topic. It seemed like an inoccuous thing to do at the time. But later I received an email from a friend pointing me to this post in which I had been "blogspotted" by Phil. He had some very gracious and encouraging things to say about my post and my site, and he recommended reading my "Fundamentals" post to any who cared to do so. No problem - no foul ... so far.

But I liked the idea of being blogspotted, despite what I had piously declared earlier. Phil's comment had aroused in me a dormant (or more likely suppressed) monster that craved recognition and attention for myself. As with many sins, what at first blindsided me became something I embraced willingly. And to my shame, I trolled Phil for a further comment by finding a "smart" remark to make about another of his posts. I wanted another "hit". And I got one, but it was a curiously hollow achievement.

Now, the Bible says that a man ought never to go against his own conscience, which is what I did. God also says that if I think a thing is sin for me, then it IS actually sin for me. It is a matter of conscience and not law. So it is quite possible for it to be sin for me to desire recognition in blogdom and for it not to be sin for others to do the same. (I admit I don't see how - but who says I have to?)

So I am repenting publicly of what I did publicly. Then I am going back to anonymity. If Phil reads this post as a normal part of his blogspotting it's up to him what he does with it, of course. This is NOT a troll. I would be happy for him never to refer to it. But I realize that my trespass was public and therefore my mea culpa ought to be so as well.

Actually, there is no such thing as total anonymity. God always knows who we are and what we're doing. And if He purposes to intersect our lives with someone for good then He can do so at any time. So, while my blog is almost completely below the blogdom radar it is only so as long as it suits God. It is not noisy, self-congratulatory, back-slapping, prideful acclaim and peer-recognition that counts in the end. It is grace and truth in the Holy Spirit. And I have to say that this simple response to one of my blogs so moved my heart to joy and thanksgiving that I wept. And I would rather have that than all hooplah that my old man craves.

To discover that I have been the means of my gracious Lord blessing someone who I do not know, have never met and cannot even tell in what way the person was encouraged, is so wonderfully full of God's humbling grace that I know it to be of eternal value. And, for me at least, all that other attention craving stuff is just chumming the waters of my own conceit.